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Chapter 1 can be found here: 
A story that is based on ideas that lthr-nck and I have been discussing for years and is finally coming to fruition!
The Spa, Chapter 1Denise trudged through the door on a Friday afternoon, having survived another exhausting week of teaching high school history. She pushed her way into the kitchen, tossing her bag and the mail onto the counter before leaning against it.Next chapter:
The twenty-four-year-old, second-year teacher sighed as she absently flipped through the mail, which was mostly bills and junk. As she did, she thought back to when she made the decision to become a teacher. It had probably started when she was in elementary school and got a 'Pretend and Play School Set' for Christmas. Denise played with the set until it was tattered and worn. She imagined how much fun it would be to have her own classes! Her choice was further influenced by the teachers she had in middle and high school, teachers who were kind and helpful and worked with Denise until she understood things well enough to pass her classes. Denise wasn't naturally bright and it took her longer to 'get' things tha
The Spa, Chapter 3"Right this way," spoke the auburn-haired attendant as she guided Denise down the hall and then motioned to a door on their left. "This is just a changing room," she added as she opened the door and turned on the light. "There's a robe hanging up on the wall there, and in the pocket of the robe is the key you can use to get back in here later. It's completely secure and private - only you will have access. So, don't lose your key!"
"Thank you," Denise smiled as she walked in. The room was a bit bigger than a changing room at a department store, with a full-length mirror, a counter, and a few hooks on the wall. She set her tote up on the counter and turned to face the attendant.
"I'll be back in a bit to escort you to your first treatment. Which would you like to start with - massage, facial, mani/pedi, hair?"
"I've never had a massage," Denise admitted, "so I think I'll start there if that's okay!"
"Of course. At the New You Spa we cater to our
A story that is based on ideas that lthr-nck and I have been discussing for years and is finally coming to fruition!
Mature
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Comments36
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactIt’s always nice to see the things I bring up mentioned in later chapters. Makes me feel like I’m not just talking for the sake of talking. Thank you. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=" (Big Grin)"/>Teachers definitely deserve to be pampered on someone else’s dime now and then!
Even if it is a bit over the top, some part of me I’m not proud of enjoys the sort of stereotyping that is demonstrated in the paragraph with the woman on the phone. Caricatures of groups of people that aren’t especially like about because of the way they act (as opposed to who or what they are).
Looked down her nose? Literally or figuratively? I’m assuming figuratively, but given the phone call I can see it going both ways.
A nice gratifying chapter that moves the story along. Not much plot wise to see, but a nice entry all the same. With out it the pacing would feel a bit weird, like nothing happens outside of explicit plot points.
Without a rubric, the whole star system seems like a terrible idea. I did my best to take my quantify my subjective opinion, but, frankly, I think it’s worthless.